Everything you need to know about a commitment ceremony

A commitment ceremony is similar to a wedding, except that it is not legally binding. During the ceremony, two people declare their love and vow to spend the rest of their lives together. Sometimes the ceremony includes wedding traditions; other times, couples get completely creative with their ceremony and speak directly to each other with no frills.

Historically, commitment ceremonies were used by couples who could not legally marry by church or state because of their sexual orientation or race. Many couples still use commitment ceremonies to bond with each other without going through the legal steps required for marriage.

To find out more, we reached out to photographer Kim Hefner. She explained to us the meaning of commitment ceremonies and how to plan yours.

History and meaning of a commitment ceremony

Commitment ceremonies have long been used as an alternative to marriage. “We know that these types of ceremonies and informal unions have been happening for hundreds, if not thousands of years, because same-sex couples are banned from marriage by many religions or simply frowned upon by some cultures in the world. story,” she said. . “There are recorded examples throughout history of same-sex unions, which have been recognized by their communities but not through formal religious or legal means.”

There are compelling reasons for modern couples to opt for commitment ceremonies instead of legally recognized weddings. First, in many countries around the world, same-sex marriage is still not a legal option. “In fact, to date, only 29 countries have legalized same-sex marriage,” Hefner reveals.

“Another big reason couples have commitment ceremonies is that the legal part of marriage interferes with what they want to do the day they commit to each other,” she shares. she. For example, some states require you to have an officiant or witness at your wedding. If you just want it to be the two of you, a commitment ceremony is a better option. Other couples can’t get their marriage license in time or they don’t want to be legally bound together for tax purposes.

Commitment Ceremony FAQ

Can anyone have a commitment ceremony?

Absoutely! Any couple who wishes to have a commitment ceremony can have one, regardless of sexual orientation, religion, nationality, race, etc. Even those who are legally able to marry may decide to have a commitment ceremony instead. Because they are not officially recognized by church or state, there are no restrictions.

Are there any downsides to having a commitment ceremony?

“The main downside to a commitment ceremony is that if you don’t or can’t make your marriage legally binding, you may miss out on some of the legal benefits of marriage,” Hefner says. “This may include tax benefits or the ability to purchase a partner’s health insurance.”

“Another downside is that in some cultures, family or friends may not approve of going down a non-traditional path,” she adds. Nevertheless, it is important to do what is best for you and your partner.

Where to organize a commitment ceremony?

While in some states and countries weddings can only take place in licensed locations (in the UK, for example, weddings must take place in a public place), there are no rules governing commitment ceremonies. . This means you can have the ceremony wherever you want!

Hefner recommends dreaming big. “My advice to couples who are just starting to plan their engagement ceremony is to have a brainstorming party, or a few!” it offers. “Take turns asking each other questions like ‘If we could have our ceremony [anywhere] in the world, where would it be? What would the landscape look like? ‘”

Do you have to follow a program established during a commitment ceremony?

Again, the advantage of having a commitment ceremony is that there are no legal requirements. This means that the program can include all the components you want. Hefner says many couples include wedding traditions like exchanging vows and rings or walking the aisles. There may be a grand reception afterwards with a wedding cake, first dance, speeches and music.

Other couples choose to go on an adventure during their commitment ceremonies. Hefner encourages his clients to think about what would make them happy. “Maybe a big adventure in a breathtaking new place sounds like the perfect day,” she says. “Or maybe a quiet party with close friends in a cabin in the woods is just fine with them.”

She suggests couples ask themselves questions such as, “If we described our perfect day together, what would it look like? Where would we go and what would we do?” Another good one is, “Are there any special activities in our relationship that we want to include on our engagement day? Or any new activities that we want to try?” Let these answers determine what your commitment ceremony looks like.

Is there someone you need to invite to a commitment ceremony?

Definitely not. A commitment ceremony is your special day with you and your partner. You don’t even have to have a witness or celebrant if you don’t want one. Hefner encourages her clients to really think about who they want to be with them on the special day – that can include pets too! “If you don’t want certain people there or if you don’t want to follow a certain wedding tradition, you shouldn’t feel obligated to do that,” Hefner says. “Make this day a moment for both of you.

Remember that your guest list may restrict the activities you do during your commitment ceremony. If you want Grandma there, for example, an arduous hike to the top of a mountain to say her vows might not be the best choice.

What do you wear to a commitment ceremony?

It is entirely up to you and your partner. Many couples have engagement ceremonies that look like weddings with tuxedos and elaborate wedding dresses. Other people decide to engage with each other under a waterfall, in bathing suits. “When you throw the (legal) rule book out the window, the possibilities are endless!” Hefner exclaims.